Moving From Self-Defeat to Success

If you have ever experienced those moments when you feel self-defeated, when you feel like you’ve dropped the ball, when you feel this distance between the who you know you want to be (and really can be) and the you that you are living in to at this time, that sense of disappointment can be overwhelming.

I know, from my personal experience, that I can find myself beating myself up for every misstep, or harshly self-criticize for each perceived underachievement? In healthy doses, self-critique can be helpful; through introspection, we find new ways to improve, better connect with others, and become more self-aware.

I have spent many moments questioning what I am doing, who I am being, and experiencing the “should I just give up?” thought process and mindset. Sometimes it is just a feeling of weakness, but it is always spurred on by my own behavior and lack of action, leading me to beat myself up inside.

In those moments, I have a choice. I can run with the internal battle and let myself sink further into the wormhole, or I can choose to embrace the negative emotion and create a success mindset.

Self-bullying arises from lack of compassion and kindness towards oneself.

And so, first and foremost I have to practice grace!

embracing adversity, discomfort and negative emotions is a path to building better resilience. Negative emotions are an important part of spiritual living; and in coming to terms with difficult emotions such as guilt or anxiety, we build a deeper connection with who we want to be and how we want to show up in the world.

IVTZAN, HEFFERON, AND WORTH (2015)

People have a tendency of over-analyzing the consequences associated with failure, which puts them in a tailspin of fear and anxiety. In reality, failure hurts our ego a bit and maybe makes life a little messy for a while. But, hey, get cozy with the idea that you’re probably going to hit a wall now and then (or have the wall thrown at you), but when all is said and done you’ll be a more resilient person. 

Everyday, we make decisions about how we are going to show up in this world. If the decisions we make son’t fit with our core values, our vision, our goals, we can get very hard on ourselves.

One of the best ways to deal with our negative emotions is through acceptance.

Once we do that we can really begin to change how we might respond to them and develop behaviors that are meaningful and bring value to how we express ourselves and engage with others.

We need to allow ourselves space each and everyday to process. To process our current objectives, how we see ourselves, what we are actually doing, and what we need to shift – Asking ourselves questions like: Who Do I Want To Be? – What is this experience telling me about that person? – What would I like to be doing differently?

But then guess what? Then you actually have to start immediately and do something toward that change.

Then, focus on increasing your acceptance with positive affirmations to bring your awareness into a space of acceptance and a seeing of what you actually did do despite what you were feeling.

Learn how to respond versus react

As my awareness grows, I am getting better at acknowledging when I am experiencing a defeatist attitude and the emotions associated with it. What I have learned is how to sit in those negative emotions (stay tuned for my next post about negative emotional tolerance) and I am getting better at accepting myself and then taking action.

Action reduces emotion. I say this all the time. Action reduces emotion. So when you are feeling like a failure, or like you have dropped the ball – pick it up – do something now – don’t wait for tomorrow (plan tomorrow’s activities so you take action better, but don’t wait for tomorrow to take action).

https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/244428 Image Credit: Shutterstock

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